-Pastor Melissa Fain-
I've finally finished! After three months all mentions of the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) have been cleaned from the website, Facebook, Twitter, and subreddit.
Now, my Disciple colleagues and friends. I know you. I know how you've reacted to this.
Some of you have lamented. I've heard your words, "We should have done more." Believe me, those very words have been spoken to me too many times. I know you. I love you. I get that you personally mean those words. It's just that those words have been said enough to me personally that it they have begun to feel like the abusive spouse pretending to be better. I've heard them since I first started working in the church. "We should have done more," turns into "We'll be better this time, baby. Promise."
Some of you have been confused. You are wondering where this is coming from. That's because the internet has a short memory, and is selfish in nature. We don't consider our selfishness. We are so hopelessly detached we just don't consider it when we come online. Most of us use the internet to fill an immediate need. You need to know something. You need to get something. You need to get paid. The very idea to start our internet journey with "they" is foreign. I have wanted others to see the "they" too. I have literally wept with people who know how I've struggled with these truths not for days, but years. My tears were realizing the mission was always met with confusion in seeing the internet as a personal tool, not a land where people meet. Even in this isolation I've heard more ministers talking about how to save their church, not evangelize within a digital landscape.
Some of you have been passive aggressive, which equates to mean when it comes to church. Did you know I'm dangerous now? I'm un-tethered? No accountability? I've lost all ability to make mature leadership decisions with this step! Meanwhile the Region's passive aggression is keeping us listed as a congregation within the denomination while excluding us as an online resource. Let me return to the abusive spouse because those actions feel like the spouse saying, "You can't do this without me!" "Just say sorry and we'll welcome you back." Only, there is no coming back. I've already said that words lose power when you take them back. If this makes you angry, good! A church should lament. A church is allowed to explore confusion. Passive-aggression is cancer, and should be defeated. The truth always lives in the light. Don't stand for things being hidden. I'm not the one in the darkness. I'm not the one trying to hide this. You should ask yourself, what does that mean?
Those things are reactions, not reasons. You need reasons. Let me explain how we are a rational community of faith, acting in a God-like manner.
We are too diverse a community for one denomination.
The blunt truth: Fig Tree did the poorest the more she was pushed into the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ). Also, as much as I asked for help from ministers and congregations, I never really gained any support from within. We were "by name only" years before this departure ever happened. I begged for it to be different, but it was to no avail.
Real support from outside: Last year someone asked me, "How have you had so many diverse writers at Fig Tree?" It's true. I think over the years of who has offered up guest meditations, and the list has grown pretty long. Ministers. Writers. Chaplains. Congregants. Differing political opinion. Differing theological opinion. Differing people. Years ago I described Fig Tree to be like glue. It's not substantial like paper or stone, but it binds the substantial together. It acts in a way we need so desperately right now. In being glue we've grown diversely. That means while the denomination has been there in name only, those outside the denomination have been there in action.
Denominations are scary to the broken.
Very few join Fig Tree explicitly for the denomination. People become attached because we're saying what they need to hear. It has been a field clinic for the spiritually wounded and broken. In this way we're glue too, joining the broken person back together in a loving way. Then they leave.
It's amazing to see them find a house of worship- to try out their newfound wholeness. Always in a faith tradition that's something other than the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ.) I am not going to give that up to be a glorified IT person for a church. (Yes, that was suggested to me as a way to use my calling instead of supporting the real ministry that already existed.)
Those who come to Fig Tree need the antiseptic space of non-denominationalism. These people need to know they are safe here. I'm not going to make them join or accept anything specific. They are here to heal. They are here to become. Just like you don't make a baby digest meat, or a patient who needs open heart surgery run, you don't overwhelm those at Fig Tree with any denomination. (And don't throw out the anti-creedal nature of Disciples, because we both know they are quickly becoming more pointed in their beliefs over the past 20 years.)
I'd rather you celebrate.
The time for lamenting what could have been is over. What's done is done. I can no more change it than you can. I forgive y'all. It's not worth carrying the weight of frustration and bitterness with all the important things I have been called to carry.
The time for confusion is also over. If you don't get what's happening here after half a dozen posts stating it boldly, you are not going to get it. There are those engaging in the land of make believe, and God's Kingdom is real. Soooooo- good luck with that.
Passive-aggression is not done, and I'm going to attack it. If we are not living in the light, I plan to drag our butts out into it. If we are found wanting, good! We can deal with that in the sun, not growing stagnant in the shadows. Nothing good comes from hiding our iniquity. Nothing.
I want y'all to celebrate. Things are happening! We are getting funds! We are getting volunteers! As I write this I have people seeking out guest writers, diverse voices that can tell certain Biblical truths from a perspective I can't! That's exciting!
More than that, I want you to be part of this excitement! I want your church to be a ministry partner and donate time, money, and talent. I want you to be part of the party, not be a party pooper. Let us go, and support our departure. Or not. Just let us go. Let me just say this. There is a kindle; a spark that has ignited. It's not the flash in the pan like the previous times. I have felt the heat of those moments as much as I've felt their brevity. This is something that can last and grow. I'm asking two things: Let the flame burn in the wilderness where it started. Then, add to it. Be part of it.
The first is greater than the second, but I don't want to leave you out. We all need something celebrate: An ecumenical online ministry that is growing? That's worth some celebration.