-Pastor Melissa Fain- Every time I go to write I feel this mania. It is part of the reason I haven't written anything. (That, and the previous post I wrote, but never shared on social media.) Oh, and the National Zombie Church Apocalypse we've just entered. I'm not going to say I'm through speaking to those inside the brick and mortar church, but I'm not jumping at the bit to talk directly to them. Consider this one a freebee. I'm tired of reading post after post that basically begin, "But why my church?" The church congregant couldn't understand when they had great programs, and a loving congregation. Why would someone intentionally not go to something like that? Let me throw it down for you as simply as I can. 1. Getting along with those who agree with you isn't the point:I have always had a problem with monasticism. I shouldn't. It's not like I have that sage leader that suggested I should be skeptical of the monastic lifestyle. Nothing in my church career have I had reason to not appreciate monks and nuns. (In my church career, but I'll get back to that.) Last week, talking about Church abuse, I felt I had a Paradox I needed to revisit. How could I suggest someone leave the Church when they are victimized by the Church, but I'm not cool with monks and nuns separating themselves from the world? I'm just going to say this. I'm not looking for sympathy, and I don't want you to be mad a the parties involved. I spent a few years of my life in a neglectful home. First it was my mother's home, as she found dependency in an abusive drunk. Then in the home of a grandmother that was slowly losing her mind to the drugs that were meant to save her life. As an adult I can see what my child-brain couldn't. The church wanted me to escape my neglect, not solve it. They didn't want me bringing it into the sanctuary, and warping the communion table with the truth of life. I dislike monasticism because we were created to live this life, not escape it. The Church, at the exact same time, became little temporary escape hatches for life. The only way for this to work is to ostracize those who bring reality into her building. And don't get me wrong, most of it has been unknowingly. Maybe the space set aside for worship is sacred, but the Church is life. When you cut out life, you create this fake-utopia. Last note on pulling yourself out of context with people who think exactly like you: I cried every time I came home from Summer Camp. First, I tried to bring my reality to camp every single year and no one wanted real. They wanted their fake real. Second, it was still an alluring trick to bring a camp full of people who believed the same thing together and pretend Utopia for a week. It was even worse when I had to come home and live in reality again. 2. Even if the abuse didn't happen in your specific church, it's your problem:How are we the Body of Christ again? We are all members? That's right! We are all connected. The second we shift blame is the second it becomes worse. The second we ignore and deflect is the second it becomes worse.
#NotAllChristians! Amiright? You have no sympathy from me. I may have left the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) but I didn't leave the Church. I sure as hell didn't leave God. I do believe we need to be in community with one another as Christians. That's where we are so desperate to save the identity of institutionalized church, we are losing everyone in the process. Church abuse is my abuse. Church abuse is your abuse. ANY CHURCH abuse. You were so insistent of being outside the world, the worst parts of the world came to you. -Pastor Melissa Fain- I cannot say this loud enough, so here I go saying it again for the dullards in the back: I want to preach with more than the traditional means to do so. I want to preach through narrative, and paint. I want to rethink worship from the ground up. About a month ago I went to God in prayer and just cried. I don't want to give it up. That might sound silly. Like, who's asking me to give something up? More than you think. You know how it feels when I get families who tell me, "I'm looking for [insert traditional mode of worship here]"? I know why they're saying it. I can't give them what they crave, and they're explaining why they have chosen not to take all this seriously. That's a very alluring drug. If I just do what everyone else is doing, then I'll have they physical help. I'm already saying things most local pastors are not saying, and it makes sense. If I just put the other stuff up and away, then I'll finally be accepted as an actual minister. At the very same time, going into the workforce as something other than a minister has it's allure too. This summer Fig Tree will have existed for a decade. That's a long time to do any form of internet ministry and not throw one's hands up in the air in defeat. It's not wrong for me to want stability. I cried because I realized what I was already doing.The above picture was me on Easter Sunday. Let me tell you about this picture.
It's all an act of worship. Writing is an act of worship. Creating music (which I've also done) is an act of worship. My art is an act of worship. When I think to all the times people tried to shoehorn me into their definition of what they thought I was, well, it brought me to tears. Because I can see it now. I have an extremely close and incredibly diverse relationship with God. To sever any of those connections would be heartbreaking. I can't give it up. Where it's led meI used to live to make sure I got a post out a week. I'm incredibly self motivated, and it was blasphemy if I couldn't get to the computer and consider something from a Spiritual/Biblical way.
I'm still self motivated, but where I'm feeling motivated is different. These past two weeks, I felt a deep desire to give a book I've written one more epic edit. The whole time, feeling like the time was running short to get that done. There are days when I have an image in my brain and I just have to create it. I'm feeling like something huge is coming for me, and if I don't get things in order, I'll regret it later. It's the same feeling I had a Christmas, when I knew I needed to recreate ornaments for the tree. It was a completion of sorts, and I've made peace with it. Just the realization that I need to get it done before it's too late. What is it too late for? I have no earthly idea. I just feel I'm running out of time, and I need to wrap some things up. It's an urgency that takes me away from the meditations. My drive has not diminished, it's just focused a bit differently. I'm still here. I can't give it up. Don't make me give it up. -Pastor Melissa Fain- My daughter, son, and I are in Scouts BSA. Last weekend was Spring Fling for Cub Scouts, and Camporee for the full on Scouts. The three of us packed up. My daughter and I had initially planned to go to Spring Fling the weekend of April 8th. I don’t know if you remember that weekend in the way long ago of a few weeks, but it wasn’t pleasant. Thankfully, they canceled it, and we were moved to the campout on the 22nd. Most of my daughter’s Pack chose not to move to the new time and location. I was, but only if we could upgrade up to the adventure tents. What are adventure tents? Well, I’m glad you “pretend-asked” me. Every Summer, Council Camps host Summer Camps for the Scouts BSA and Cub Scouts. Those happen in prefabricated tents. Most of these tents are taken down at the conclusion of Summer. The rest are permanent tents. They are relabeled “Adventure Tents,” and cost a little extra to use. They have wood floors and a cot already built in. They go fast. That’s not the reason I want them. The general camping area is far from the nice bathrooms. I know this sounds elitist. It’s not. I can camp with the best of them with a weekend set of porta potties. I know I’m losing you, so I need you to stay with me here, and trust it will be worth it, especially with my next sentence. The bathrooms in the general camping area have systemic issues that make it more difficult for the girls to camp. How longevity can play against you: I know there are those of you who read the word “systemic” and big alarms go off in your brain. “Systemic” is neither scary nor bad. Let me explain. Systems exist. We create systems to make our world easier. For example, the Drive Thru is a system. Systems contain rules. Treat the drive thru box like an order line. Stay to the left, closest to the building so cars can drive around. Drive around to pay. Pick up your food at the window closest to the opposite side of the building. In good systems, the rules change as the world around it changes. Two drive thru windows were cumbersome and confusing. The restaurants that had them, closed down the first in favor of only having the second. It altered the system of using the drive thru without completely destroying it. When girls, who were already part of the BSA through Venture Crews and leaders, were expanded into the Cub Scouts and Scouts BSA, there were some systemic changes that took place. First of all, it wasn’t to the program, which beyond a few gender terms remained exactly the same, (“boys” became “boys and girls”). Right after the BSA made their announcement to include girls, there were people who made uneducated statements regarding the future of the program. I’m here to say, the program might actually be more intense since the girls joined, as they encourage sportsmanship. The systemic changes I’m talking about were related to other things. With Chartered Organizations, the Churches took it upon themselves to be the last beacon of hope for the souls of these boys and girls. Many included girls, but made very hard line rules about single gender dens. The systemic issue, in this situation, was a leniency for the boys that didn’t exist for the girls. Basically, if there was a lone girl in an age bracket, she was forced to be a lone scout or drop out. Conversely, if there was a lone boy in an age bracket, the rules suddenly changed to incorporate mixed genders into the Packs. That’s not because the systemic issue was rooted in sexism. (Thought I was going there? You don’t know me very well.) The system of Cub Scouts is rooted in preparing the kids for full on Scouts. It’s not to “have fun.” Having fun is what you do to create a desire to continue in a program. When girls were added, there were no Troops for them. As Girl Troops were added, they were few and far between. Almost all of the Cub Scout programs were the roots to a Boy Troop. The systemic issue is the Boy Troops need new boys. That’s not against the girls. It just pushes them out of the system to get the thing they really want. Back to the campoutThe bathrooms at these summer camps are old and were created for the boys. When the BSA allowed girls, Camp Comer was in a great situation. They had just built bath houses with closing doors. Once the door was closed to the bathroom or shower there was complete privacy. They were not going to build another bath house for the girls. Instead, they tore down the outside walls. It gives the girls and boys equal access to the facilities. Meanwhile, Camp Bert Adams doesn’t have the same luxury. They have these permanent port-a-potties in the camping area. Boys don’t have to sit to pee, so they are really for emergency poop issues. The boys just pee out the back of the tent. They have for generations. Girls cannot do that. “Pop a squat” is a real thing, and has a learning curve, and not something you wanna do at 3 in the morning. That’s what makes the whole thing systemic. The system, which was created for the boys, doesn’t work as well for the girls. I will pay a little more to be near the bath houses, where three of the adult entrances have been relabeled for the girls. At least, until the council can fix the systemic issue. To name that issue doesn’t mean I hate the program or the people running the program. I love Scouts, and I am so grateful my daughter has been able to participate within it. It doesn’t change the truth that the system must change with the changes. Broken systems and churchSometimes I think I can talk gently about another topic, and you can put the dots together. I think many of us have pretty big blinders when it comes to the Church, so let me explain one of the systemic issues there.
Back in the 1950’s, fresh off the back of WWII, people wanted community. They didn’t know their neighbor before the war. They saw that as a problem. Therefore, the organizations that grew were organizations that gathered the community together. It was passive growth. We simply existed, and people came to it. It also meant the most important job in the Christian world was the lead pastor job. If everyone is willingly going to Church, you put someone in a church to lead them. Then society began to change. Then people began to define a relationship with God outside the Church. Then people began to justify our relationship with God as we didn't need a communal identity. The whole while- the Church still defined the most important job in the Christian world as being the lead pastor. This is a systemic issue. Close to no one in our lifetime has ever done Evangelism the way it was intended. They took advantage of a religious climate that played in their favor. As the energy of that event began to fade, no one did anything differently. Now we have denominations that refuse to see any ministry disassociated with the church building. You have to either be leading the people within it, or one of the people worshiping to maintain standing. More and more ministers are crying out, “I’m a minister too, even though I’m not in the Church building!” We are far closer to the 1920’s where people were disassociating with one another, and we scorned the idea of community. There is no energy to draw people into your buildings, yet you keep trying. I love the people trying to save those buildings. It doesn’t change that there are systemic issues that must be resolved. It’s a much more difficult problem than fixing the bathrooms at a Scout Camp. That’s what has me worried. I feel time is running out, and no one is listening. Even if they were listening, no one is acting. -Pastor Melissa Fain- You know what happens when you die in Christ? You're reborn. I have knowingly witnessed the undeath of a Zombie Church twice in my lifetime. Both times were terrifying. I saw the dying church sit on the precipice of choice, die or be undead, and choose undeath. I watched their collective brains work up the old songs, and do the old movements, unaware that the only reason the manic desires were working was because of the new undeath they were choosing. The muscles hadn’t begun to atrophy and rot yet. Only it was coming, and it came, and it will always come if a church chooses undeath over death. Easter this year was a nationwide Zombie event.Let me say this first: I sincerely hope I’m wrong, but I haven’t been yet. Please keep that in mind. I want to be wrong, but I don’t see this going any other way. I’m going to lay out some bitter truths none of y’all want to hear. Gird up your loins, because here it comes:
On Easter Sunday 2022, we used it as our chance to bring it all back. We wanted the lilies and the banners, the preludes and the choirs. We wanted the past, and God wouldn’t keep us from something we loved. Right?! … Right? As a Nation we became the Holy Undead Church. By the way, I’m okay with you scoffing at my words right now, if that’s what you’re doing. In return, you need to be okay that I can’t get too close. Undead, when they finally realize what they did, will bite. They won’t understand why things went the way it did, and blame will be thrown in all directions but themselves. I get it. It’s not fair. You just want your normal experience back. You just want the songs. You just want [insert selfish want here]. If now you’re bristling because I’m calling last Sunday a selfish desire- check yourself. Did you want an Easter Cantata because it would help a greater need for the human race? Did you do it because you knew the community needed it? Or, did you do it because you wanted to wear your fancy outfit, and sing the songs you haven’t sung in two years? Did you want a “normal” Easter because you’re afraid of what would happen to YOUR church if you didn’t? The Ace Up Your Sleeve is Really a SnakeYou need to know I’ve spent my lifetime in the Church. I gave my soul to the system, and I know it forwards, backwards and sideways. I have watched church after church use Children’s and Youth programming as evangelism tools. If you have a counter, that’s it. “But my children need the church, and I’m willing to sacrifice my experience to give it to them.” Do you know how many grown up adults would probably say that now? Way more than any of us should be comfortable with. That’s not healthy, and that’s not church. Church needs to be for the entire family or it ceases to function as a working Body of Christ. Let me say what you are really thinking. “I want a Church for all of us, but I see that most of them are not really working, so I’ll find something for the kids because I’m afraid what will happen if I try to fix the problem myself.” Namely, you’ll have to start seriously considering what churches are spiritually feeding your children. You will also have to work, and that’s where God’s Wilderness comes back into play. When we choose to not follow the call to die and be reborn, we become undead, and now we’ve brought our kids into it too. The pointWe communally knew there was a problem. We chose to ignore the problem, and choose to live into the lie. We wanted the lie. For those who’ve been sitting in those dwindling sanctuaries, and found hope at the full pews last Sunday: Don’t. Another way to see last Sunday as a Nationwide Palm Sunday. We were the crowds. We were the manic screamers singing a “Hallelujah” that we didn’t realize meant, “Save us!” If last Sunday was a modern Palm Sunday… Well, it’s going to be a rough ride. You know what happens when an undead church finally dies?
It stays dead. -Pastor Melissa Fain- I need to do something a little different today. Tomorrow marks the last day of women’s history month. It came and went without much fanfare. As a form of celebration, and in honor of Lent, I’ve decided to share a few of the pieces I’ve done over the past month, and explain them. You already saw New Creation. As a reminder, it’s a piece that looks at God’s gifts and promises, and whether they can be held by women. It doesn’t answer that question, but simply asks it. But What If She Could?The whole time I was working on the above piece, I was asking the question, "But what if I could?" I knew what I'd draw. First, a transition from day to night. Second, an explosion of light, that can only be properly experienced when started in darkness. This is my imaginary playground. Every once in awhile, I can see the potential- it explodes out. Then I realize it can't happen, and I'm left with the idea, and no way to do it. See, I am constantly living in the world of "what if," knowing there is little more that I can do. I wrote two scriptures into this drawing's foundation. The first is John 1:1- "In the beginning was the Word, and the world was with God, and the Word was God." It tells the viewer this is still a new creation. You can tell from all the chaos that needs ordering. Beautiful new chaos. This image is exciting in it's potential. This image is fun. There's protection too. The "1:1" looks like 7:7- "The world can’t hate you. It hates me, though, because I testify that its works are evil." A little proof texty, I know- but when you have image to tell a story, you have to tell so much with so little. It speaks to Christ taking the burden. God's love made known through the new creation. The second is Luke 13:34- "Jerusalem, Jerusalem. The city that kills the prophets and stones those that are sent to it. How I've longed to gather your children, like a hen gathers her chicks." That turns this drawing against itself. I told you it was potential. Jesus' words were potential too. He's speaking to the potential to care and save Jerusalem, knowing they would crucify him in return. Notice the ground. It's a hidden rainbow. She is standing on God's promise. The rainbow was considered God's war bow, pointed away from the earth, but now she's standing on it. It's so beautiful, but in it's beauty it's sad too. No!When I was a child, I wanted to be part of church. The only way I could, was to light the candles at the beginning of church, and be part of the children's moment. The children's moment, was a 5 minute mini-sermon given before Communion. The kid's would come up. An adult would tell a story, ask a couple of questions, and sometimes we'd get a treat. There came a point, where the adults felt I had aged out of the children's moment. To be fair, I was still a kid- 4th grade. They just decided I was done. The problem was, they couldn't keep me from going to the front of the church. My dad sung in the choir, so no one was there to tell me, "No!" One of the matriarchs took it upon herself to be that person. She took it upon herself to sit next to me one Sunday. When it came time for the children's moment, she firmly told me no. I ignored her, because she wasn't my dad, and started to go up. She grabbed my arm, and tried to hold me back. In shock and fear, I pulled away. That was how the church decided to tell me, and I had multiple nightmares about that event throughout the rest of my childhood. Gals keep other gals from God's promise in a multitude of ways. Maybe it's under the guise of reciprocity. One generation didn't get something, so a future generation shouldn't have it either. Only the previous group can't see it wasn't fair for them, and in turn, it's not fair now. Maybe it's under the guise of justice. "These are the rules and we've been following them for generations." The matriarch was only enforcing the rules, and her sense of justice gave me nightmares about God's house. But, I've seen the guise of justice being used in other ways too. Maybe it's the way the rules are harsher on women in ministry to prove a point. If one can find a single grain of guilt in a sea of ministry, that's it. It's stifling. Or maybe, just maybe, it's the feeling women get that puts ministry as a limited resource. The churches only have so many jobs for women in their building. The media only has one woman they can raise up as their spiritual darling. It forces us to fight one another for something God promised abundantly. We lose sight of the fact that me getting it, helps you get it later. You getting it, is celebration, because you getting it helps us all. We also become far more critical of one another, because we know that failure speaks to all of us, not just the woman who failed. It's painful, and it's real. She Had, and She WillFlipped Mitten Press is a publishing company started by Kristy Burmeister. She used her words to begin to tell the story of trauma suffered through the institution of Church. I made this for her. She is doing it. She took God's promise and made something with it. She will continue to do so. There is nothing in this image, but love. The Word Was GodThis piece is the entire reason all of this exists. I've been spending 12 weeks long-term subbing for high school art class. Whenever I long term sub, I always immerse myself in the content. That's why the pieces look so diverse in their media. With the exception of a few pieces I went home and did because I was inspired, they are all pieces to help me, help the students. This was the first week with Drawing/Painting II. The prompt was "Illuminated pages." While they took on Fairy Tales, I took on John 1:1-4. It's currently hanging in Fig Tree's worship area, and you can see it behind me Sunday mornings. This piece lit the flame to get me to explore how to preach without physical words, but with Word. Dead ChurchOh, I know how uncomfortable this piece is. I can simply explain it, and you should see it differently than you are probably looking at it now. Their are two images fighting for your focus: Communion and Dead Church. Communion was broken and made whole. (Notice the mended cup.) The Church was whole and is now broken. This is an image of focus. What are you going to focus on? The building that will eventually decay and go back to dust? OR The Communion that is eternal? And finally... "Goddess of Life."I want to end here for a couple of reasons:
First, I don't want to end on Dead Church. I find it to be a solid piece, and I love it, but it's dense, and let's end on a lighter note. Second, we're ending on life, and that makes this piece perfect. The image on her brow is one of the Native American symbols for life. There are four quadrants, and each quadrant has four meanings. Child-Youth-Adult-Older Adult Morning-Midday-Afternoon-Night Spring-Summer-Fall-Winter North-South-East-West There is only one type of person who has fully lived in all four: and older person. This person knows all of life. What I love even more are her wrinkles. As we age, our skin creases in ways that show how we lived. This woman laughed! You can tell from her crows feet. -Pastor Melissa Fain- This is a continuing Lenten exploration of non-religious artists' take on religion. This is how I’ve suggested one engages these meditations.
Trust About the Artist:Lorenzo Quinn (1966- ) Son of famous actor, Anthony Quinn, Lorenzo enjoyed a few starring roles himself, before he found his true passion- sculpting. Quinn’s passion is the hands for their technical difficulty. He imbues emotion in his sculptures. About the Art:Trust is about being so trusted by someone, you literally hold them in your hand. My take:When I was in college I used to visit the museum located in the theater building. Sometimes it was student work, and sometimes it was guest artists. This one time, when it was a guest artist, it was an artist who focused on hands. Large hands with tiny people upon them. A person searching, and their tiny arm wrapped around a finger. A bunch of people fleeing a flood, as they run across the palm. These moments of love, hate, fear, and hope. All of them, looking for God and God always there. It captivated me.
This is not that artist. I wasn’t wise enough half a lifetime ago to write that artist’s name down and remember it. I went on an internet search for that artist, and found Quinn in the process. My initial thoughts looking at this sculpture, was looking at a person lying in the hand of God. It was because of this, I couldn’t see how terrifying the hand truly was. It’s not open in acceptance. It’s ready to snatch, or crush. This is seen even more clearly when you compare it to his version of Hand of God. That hand is passive. Trust is a statement of our danger in playing God. How does Trust preach the Word of God to the people of God? -Pastor Melissa Fain- This is a continuing Lenten exploration of non-religious artists' take on religion. This is how I’ve suggested one engages these meditations.
Saved- Link is to watch the movie Saved. It is free on Tubi. About the Artist:Brian Dannelly (1973- ) was born in Germany, and relocated to Baltimore, Maryland at the age of 11. He spent all of his American childhood deep in American religion. He attended a Catholic elementary school, a Baptist high school, and spent his summers at a Jewish Summer camp. He has his degree in filmmaking, and has had many of his short films played around the world. About the Art:Written alongside Michael Urban, Saved was first premiered at the Sundance Film Festival and picked up by MGM/United Artists. It tells the story of a naive girl who attends a very charismatic Christian high school. When her boyfriend confesses he is gay, she decides to sleep with him to help him be straight. When she gets pregnant, she is forced into figuring out where she belongs being a future unwed mother. My Take:I need to give you two takes on this. The first will be my post-high school, but pre-seminary-take back when it was released in 2004. The second will be my mid-life take now.
My 2004 take: When I first watched this I was high on Jesus. I had done a Christian concert tour, taking love offerings to earn money to fix the local Church Camp. I had spent three summers at a Conference Center- working one summer in the kitchen, and the other two as Camp Staff. I had worked at two churches. One- as the Youth Director, and the other as the Youth/Choir Director. I was deep in the system. That’s probably why I was uncomfortable with this movie. I thought it went too far. That wasn’t my experience in the Church. If it were true, it wasn’t related to me, so I could enjoy it as someone else’s condemnation. But… Deep down, I already knew better. I had watched as the church I loved told a couple I loved that they couldn’t be Elders in the church anymore because they felt comfortable enough to come out as a couple. Everyone already knew, but because they verbalized it, they couldn’t do what they were already doing. I listened as a congregant told me they supported women in ministry, but they would never vote for one to be their senior pastor. I should have told her, “If you’re not hiring us to work in your churches, then why are you supporting us to get this very expensive education we have to pay back?” I didn’t. I wasn’t in seminary yet, and I was naive back then. I left it wasn’t going to be my experience. I was going to change the world! I could feel it. Saved came at me with a reflection I was not ready to see. Sure it was true, but from my opinion it wasn’t my truth. Sure, I’d seen the zealotry in the church, but it was over played for laughs. Hilary Faye was the one I knew went too far. She didn’t “get” being a Christian. That was why I decided to like this movie back in 2004. She was a cautionary tale. She was zealotry gone too far. You could be all in for Jesus, and not be Hilary. My 2022 take: When I write that we are all part of the Body of Christ, and all issues in the Church are all of our problems, I’m always recalling this movie in my head. The Church has become so insular. I didn’t realize how much back in 2004, but I’m well aware now in 2022. From the mother winning Top Christian Interior Designer, to the way worship is so jarring and unrelated to the world, this movie is still relevant. Sure, there are points that speak to the late 90’s early 00’s a little better than today, but most of it is very relevant now. How about the pastor who is more concerned with how he appeared to kids, than actually educating and helping them? He’s the one who can’t handle Dean being gay, or Mary (just a little on the nose) being pregnant. Watching this again as a middle-aged, have two kids, ordained as a pastor, adult gave me a new insight. Mary’s mother, Lillian, tries to explain to Mary why Dean was sent to Mercy House. She basically tells Mary that some problems are bigger than a person could handle. Someone else has to fix it. Yet notice it wasn’t Lillian who suggested Mercy House when it is revealed that Mary is pregnant. It’s Pastor Skip. He’s the one who doesn’t have the answers. He’s the one who can’t spiritually justify what’s happening, so it’s easier to take it away rather than deal with it. He’s putting the problem outside the cultural bubble, thus making it disappear. (Kinda like the church did with that amazing couple that came out to a community they thought was family.) His emptiness was on full display. The appearance of relatability was worth more to this community than the reality of relatability. Then there’s the character Hilary Faye. She plays a puppet. Pastor Skip tells her to do something, and she does. This is a girl who has low self-esteem, and just wants to be part of something where she is loved and included. Pastor Skip takes advantage of that to get what he wants. He should be the one talking to Mary and forming a relationship. He should be the one to explain that God loves Faye even if things are not going her way. He should be the one giving authentic lessons instead of pithy sentiments. But he’s not. This movie is also why I’m suddenly silent when people ask me to help them find a church. Do you know there are people who literally walk out of the room when I go to speak? There are many more who will privately tell me they support me, but suddenly go silent when that support requires something a little more public. There are plenty of churches in my county where I do not feel the Spirit. Only 6-8 years ago I listened as a local associate pastor explained that she didn’t go to community pastor meetings because they literally laughed her out of the room! If you like what I’m saying, there is nothing in this county for you. Not really. Sure, there are places you can go into their cultural bubble and fit right in. Just remember you have to leave me and anything I say outside the door. How does Saved preach the Word of God to the people of God? -Pastor Melissa Fain- It’s like Taco Tuesday, but on a Thursday! This is a continuing Lenten exploration of non-religious artists' take on religion. This is how I’ve suggested one engages these meditations.
HOWEVER- This one is a book review. I'll try to keep it spoiler free. I do suggest reading this review AFTER you've read her book. Apologies: A Somewhat Interactive Poetry Experiment About the Author:Kristy Burmeister (1981- ) is me. Well, not “me” me. I feel our life experiences have led us in different directions, but we’d both be likely to follow a similar path if we’d been switched at birth. She is a former Mennonite, and former Catholic. Her journey is one of Church abuse and abuse from men. She has personal experience with #MeToo and #ChurchToo. Her previous published work is Act Normal: Memoir of a Stumbling Block. About the Art:Act Normal is to 1984 as Apologies is to Animal Farm. This is a book that’s meant to be read and experienced from front to back. It evolves as you read it, and if you think you’re just reading a bunch of generally similar poems, you might as well read Animal Farm like it’s Charlotte’s Web. Apologies is made to attack you. Specifically, it’s made to attack those who have experience within the world of organized religion. There are elements that are very similar to children’s bulletins. Children’s bulletins are a single sheet of paper, folded to look like a Church program. It contains Biblical Scripture, and little games to explain the Scripture. That piece of paper serves two purposes: It keeps kids occupied in Church while educating them on something related to Christianity. The difference between Apologies and Children’s Bulletins is while Children’s Bulletins are rather empty in their purpose, Apologies has a very strong point. The interactions in this book should hit you deep. You either get it, or you don’t. My Take:I have a metric ton of feelings on this piece.
Just getting this off my chest- I am so grateful this was published during Lent! We are in the middle of Women’s History Month, and I hear the silence. It's so deafening! Meanwhile, I’m attempting to explore non-religious and artistic views on religion, and it’s all so masculine! Kristy gives me something to explore created by a woman! To the book! About 4 years ago I had this amazing idea. I would ask one of my guy minister friends to do an experiment with me. He would make a feminine minister Reddit username, and I would make a masculine one. Starting at zero karma, we’d set parameters for interaction. Which username would get the most karma by the end of 6 months. Was it the guy minister pretending to be a girl, or the girl minister pretending to be a guy? By this point, I’d been online for about 4 years, and I had a slough of users flat out telling me I couldn’t be called to be a minister because of my gender. I wanted to see. I wanted to see if “calling” was tied to gender. I wanted to test ability with a genderswap. No guy wanted to participate. Why would they?! In the media, guys doing anything that even remotely looks feminine is seen at best as comic relief. My daughter can play a boy in a play without anyone questioning her gender identity, but my son can’t play a girl and get the same result. The double standard is real. All the ministers I asked were super supportive of what I was doing, as long as they didn’t have to actually participate. So I did it all by myself. I made the username, and ran the experiment next to my original username for 6 months. It wasn’t a scientific experiment. I wanted the right people to see what I was doing, and follow it up with a scientific study. What I discovered in that ½ year was that it was easier being a male minister. People simply assumed I was who I said I was. To be clear, I never said I was a guy. My username was masculine and had “pastor” in the title. That was it. No one wondered where I got my education. I was thanked far more often for giving religious opinions. It was like moving from white water rapids, to a smooth flowing creek. There was no way for guys to know how easy they had it, because we don’t consider what doesn’t naturally test us. Out of sight, out of mind. Yet, when I shared what I found, I was called a liar. The guys didn’t step up and support me after the fact either. One even went so far to turn the focus from gender to his topic of discussion. Six months of my life, flushed down the toilet. All that is what I think of as I look at the cover. A “somewhat” “experiment.” No, it’s not a scientific experiment, but still an experiment. When you realize what she did, can you be humble enough to see it was all an act of love? Or- will you turn the story back on you? Or- you will get your feelings hurt and act out in anger? I’m interested in seeing if you even get it! How does Apologies preach the Word of God to the people of God? -Pastor Melissa Fain- This is a continuing Lenten exploration of non-religious artists' take on religion. This is how I’ve suggested one engages these meditations.
Alexamenos Graffito About the Artist: Some Roman idiot with a knife, some time to kill, and a desire to make fun of someone back around 200 AD. About the Art:This is ancient graffiti mocking someone who is a Christian. It is considered the earliest depiction of Christ on record. My Take:First off, I promised non-religious takes on religion. I did not promise it would be “good.” Secondly, I put this piece right up there with The Book of Mormon: the Musical. If you are new here, you might think it’s a dig at Matt Stone and Trey Parker, but that could be further from the truth. As I’ve already written, The Book of Mormon: the Musical was written to be a love song to organized religion. ALL organized religion. It’s a reflection.
We use reflections all the time. Our mirror in the morning tells us if we need to clean up a bit more. The camera on our phone is a reflection of an event we are witnessing. Our problem isn’t reflections, it’s unflattering reflections. South Park actually. I’ve scoured the internet for the title of this episode, so if you know it, comment below and I’ll tag. In the episode, everyone has a social media profile, including Wendy. The only problem is, everyone has a DOCTORED social media profile EXCEPT Wendy. More than that, the kids are judging beauty not by actually looking at the person, but by looking at their altered photo online. Wendy fights it the entire episode, telling everyone that the pictures are fake, but she is real. The episode ends on a terrible downer, as it finally shows her changing out her authentic photo for a doctored one. The whole Christian faith has been doctoring their image for years now. The individuals have kept a squeaky clean profile. Our churches have tucked away the evil and darkness. We have not done a great job simply being true, and because of that, we don’t take truth well. We also look at the truth like it’s all Christ with the head of a donkey. We puff ourselves up, call it trash and walk away. Meanwhile, someone has made a statement that never went away. It exists. It persists. In the case of the donkey-headed-Christ, it is now the oldest depiction of Jesus on record. It’s much more valid to look at it, and learn something from those reflections, especially the ones that are just showing the unflattering visages of us. This is what the Alexamenos Graffito teaches me: Around 200 AD, someone was bold enough in their faith to be the subject of someone else’s boredom. It wouldn’t be until Constantine in the 300’s that being a Christian would be a legal faith. That means Alexamenos is in dangerous territory. Now the viewer has to wonder if Alexamenos was even alive at the creation of this piece, or if he lived much longer after it was finished. We do know that part of the reason Constantine was compelled to legalize Christianity was that the followers by 325 AD were mostly rich and powerful. Now we have to wonder about this man who scratched the image, and was bold enough to write a name. Did he live that much longer after he was finished? This reflection allows us to ask so many questions about early Christians and their faith traditions. About a century and a half after Paul and nearly a century and a half before the council of Nicea. This exists. How does the Alexamenos Graffito preach the Word of God to the people of God? -Pastor Melissa Fain- This is a continuing Lenten exploration of non-religious artists' take on religion. This is how I’ve suggested one engages these meditations.
Vincent VanGogh: Potato Eaters About the Artist:Vincent VanGogh (1853-1890) Was born to an upper middle class family of ministers, artists, and art dealers. He was encouraged to join the family business. He began with art dealing, but was quickly let go, because it didn’t interest him, and he was rude to the customers. He decided to turn to teaching, but failed at getting students. That’s when he became immersed in religion. Taking up his father’s field, he went to University to be trained, only to completely fail at that too. He decided to become a missionary, and was placed in a small coal miner’s town. He connected immediately with the people and their plight. Out of an act of charity, he gave up his missionary lodgings to the homeless, and was fired for it. About the Art:Potato Eaters is the response to being in this small coal town, and being with the people. VanGogh connected with them, and saw them as his people. He focused on art in a way he hadn’t focused on anything else. This was his masterpiece. My Take:With everything going on in Ukraine right now, I’m sure there has been an uptick of people searching for VanGogh’s sunflowers. He painted them all the time. Inside, outside; a couple, a whole field. They were his muse. What the average viewer doesn’t look for is Potato Eaters.
The first time I saw Potato Eaters was on my first date with my now husband, 19 years ago this April. We went to the High Museum of Art in Atlanta. They had a special VanGogh exhibit, and it included a reproduction of Potato Eaters. There was a plaque that proclaimed Potato Eaters to be his finest work of art. I couldn’t see it. I vocally expressed it. I walked over to one of his bedroom paintings and openly said that was better than Potato Eaters. Potato Eaters was so dark! It was so ugly! Give me Sunflowers! Give me Starry Night! Now Starry Night is his masterpiece! How could anyone say anything different? Then I grew up. Well, I grew older. I hope I never really grow up, or if I do it’s seconds before I die. Anyway, I matured, and I learned. To know this piece is so vital to his artistic career, and his conclusion as a missionary, completely changes this piece for me. To now know how difficult it is to control light in a painting, and how technical he was with light, completely changes this piece for me. There is so much going on. This family is in need. You can see it from their sallow faces. You know what they are thinking just from looking. They are all mentally saying, “This is all we have.” They have all come to terms with that fact in their own way. The man on the left is fearful. The woman next to him is thinking an added thought. She is looking at the man and she wants to know what they are going to do about it. Can they do anything about it? The other two? They are older, and hold faces of resignation. This is how it is. This is life. This is truth. The little girl? We cannot know. Only that her innocence will lead to the others eventually. That, by itself, is deep! Then you realize another truth. On the wall is a painting of the Nativity! This is a Christian family, who go to Mass. Where is their church here? What does the Priest’s parsonage look like? Is he forced to only eat potatoes too? Knowing what led to this painting, the answer is no. Then there is the light. This is a coal miner’s family. In the late 19th century coal powered furnaces were a thing. You do not see it in this house. You can tell by their tiny light over the table, and their warm clothing. There is no furnace. You would see light coming from somewhere other than the tiny oil candle. That’s when you know, their work heats someone else’s house. Van Gogh, having been born to a wealthy family, is telling the world why he gave up his missionary home to the homeless with this family. When you understand what is really going on, how can you look at this and ignore their fear and loss?! How can you not see how amazing this painting truly is? How does The Potato Eaters preach the Word of God to the people of God? |
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