God Anchors Me
This is the day the Lord has made;
let us rejoice and be glad in it.
-Rev Melissa Fain-
Light Warning for those who dealt with depression, as I will be discussing my journey through it.
Tuesday, I was driving to drop my daughter off at Pre-K and get to work. In my head, I was running through the final two weeks of school.
In two weeks we'd be on break. In two weeks, I'd never have to drop my daughter off at car rider line again. She would ride with my husband and son to school. My work schedule would be able to change. I wouldn't have to rush. I could focus more on home and ministry... I stop working through my list.
"This is the day the Lord has made," I murmur, "let us rejoice and be glad in it."
Suddenly, I begin to take in the day. The mist rising from the lake. The morning sun hitting the trees. My daughter belting Let it Go from the back seat.
That snip-it of Psalm is a spiritual mantra for me.
It was only seven years ago I felt the dark abyss of depression. It didn't matter that we had insurance, we couldn't afford the mental help I clearly needed. Some days it was realizing that black ice nugget of emptiness was simply emptiness that day. Other times, it was practicing deep breaths while my children played around me. It was extremely difficult, and four years later I began to make substantive strides to pulling myself out of that pit.
Anyone who has made it to the other side of depression can probably understand what I'm about to say. Depression is like a boat being cut from it's anchor. At the time, I knew the cold emptiness of it. I just didn't understand the disconnect. Sure I felt like a ship lost at sea, but I thought I was making that choice. I was choosing to distance myself from my friends and family. It was like depression would cut the tie, and hand it to me. Sure, I never had to let go, but it was tiring holding ties that normally stay connected without any intervention. Eventually, it was just easier to let go, than hold on.
Four years later, I knew what I needed. I needed an anchor. I needed a way to bring everything into clarity. An old camp song came into focus. The day. The moment I was in. It was created by God. I should rejoice in it. Sometimes, that rejoicing was a tired thank you, with little or no joy. Sometimes, it was grateful thanks, spoken with a smile on my face. It anchored me. It gave purpose to my day. Today, it reminds me that there will always be things to dislike and wish would be over, but it doesn't change the purpose of the day: A day created by our Lord, and we should rejoice.
You can take this two ways. Either you can realize that everything, even the day we are in are gifts from God and we should cherish them. Or two, we can realize when all those anchors and ties are waving in the wind, God is still there to be an anchor. Both are true. May you take from it what you need.