If I Were Satan...

​Nothing makes my eyes roll faster than seeing a book titled "Simple Sermons for Saints and Sinners." The reason? Theology, and faith are not easy. One of our founding fathers, an Atheist named Thomas Paine thought faith was easily taken apart. I rolled my eyes when I read his book, "Common Sense" (Which in my mind is the same as using the word "simple" before sermons.). When he made obvious mistakes, like talking seriously about the apple in the garden, I couldn't take his argument seriously. (The garden in Genesis never talks about apples. We assume the forbidden fruit was an apple. Truth is, it doesn't say what the fruit looked or tasted like.)

Therefore, when I was at Goodwill, and saw the book "Simple Sermons for Saints and Sinners" I had to pick it up. Turned out, this was just one in a series. Apparently, faith can't simply be condensed to one volume.  Anyway, the last chapter caught my attention:

If I were Satan.

​There a three theological discussions that perk my interest.

1. Female Ministry- Enough people have tried to derail theological discussions by throwing my gender out, I get kinda "attack dog"-like, when the subject comes up. So much so I find I can't help but engage it when the subject comes up.
2. Job- As it's the book that has shaped my theological journey so far, I make a point to read up on commentary. It makes it easy to engage in discussion when the subject comes up.
3. Satan- As the first physical appearance of Satan in the bible happens in Job, I've been interested in the subject.

Let me say. I was not pleased with the list that was given for this "simple sermon." Let me introduce the list to you, and follow up with a rewrite from me:

• If I were Satan I would deceive people as to myself- I understand this book was published in 1954. There  have been more than a few years with ministers touting the line, "The biggest trick Satan can pull is making us believe he doesn't exist."  I say, if there is a malevolent being trying to destroy us, the biggest trick is actually the opposite. If I were Satan I would make people believe everything is my fault so no one takes responsibility for their own misdeeds.  Then nothing gets solved, because no one believes it is their responsibility to solve it.
• If I were Satan, I'd make sin attractive- I personally believe sin is the act of a community or person causing the self or community to be further from God. Yes, that can appear very attractive, especially when it comes in the form of easy answers. You know, the quick pill that solves everything. Usually though, most people who are in sin, know they are in sin, and it's not attractive at all. Sometimes, a separation from God is soul wrenching, and extremely difficult. If I were Satan, I'd make other people's disconnect look scandalous so they are never really helped.
• If I were Satan I would hinder God's word- This one is so arrogant to me. This one is simply keeping the word being spoken. The writer, Pastor Hershel Ford, uses the "Sower and the Seed Parable" as an example. Especially in the United States, no one is keeping us from speaking from the Bible.  Especially not in 1954. I'd rather compare James 3:11. "Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring?" If I were Satan, I'd manipulate the scripture, to make people joyfully spew junk. 
• If I were Satan I'd try to destroy the power of the Churches- Knowing that Pastor Ford was part of the SBC, let's me know he's not talking about the "power" from the Catholic church. I also find it insulting that during the heyday of the church, a minister was preaching about not having having church power. The culture current in the 50's was flowing with the church, not against it. While I doubt many of us ministers today want to return to that culture, we at least appreciate what it was. If I were Satan, I would trick congregants into thinking power came from the Church instead of God.
• If I were Satan I'd try to make the Church members stumble- Besides the fact that this is just as dangerous as the first one in the list, it is also comically humorous. I wanna see a meme of a red cloven hoof sticking out of a path, with Christians unknowingly walking the path.  We stumble enough on our own. We don't need Satan's help. This deserves a repeat of the the first rewrite: If I were Satan I would make people believe everything is my fault so no one takes responsibility for their own misdeeds.
• If I were Satan I would try to give the world another Gospel- I read this section and realized he's talking about churches that don't preach Substitutionary atonement. These are just hoity toity words for believing Jesus died for our sins. This was around the time of Karl Barth, and universal salvation. People were trying to understand basic justice issues in relation to God. Millions died during WWII, and the most horrendous deaths happened right under our noses at Concentration Camps. No one wanted to have the discussion of what happened to the souls of all the Jewish people who were murdered. None of us wanted to believe all those people were sent to hell after suffering through a living hell here on earth. Karl Barth said, Christ died for all in all time. That's what people wanted to talk about. So, if I were Satan I would obscure the Gospel to make people forget about love of God and neighbor. Perhaps, If I were Satan, I'd make people become super legalistic. 
• If I were Satan I would get men to give excuses- Whew. It's nice to know I've been left out of this one. (I kid. I kid.) Seriously though. This is the only one that makes complete sense to me. To the end of time, we will always have reasons not to do things. About 6 months ago a congregant was astonished at how much I do. I make bracelets, cross stitch, make birthday decorations and costumes for my kids, as well as everything I do for church. She said I must have tons of free time. I replied, "Everyone has free time. we have the choice of what to do with it." One of her last actions before she passed away was making Christmas gifts for everyone. "No" is such an easy answer because it doesn't require work after it is said. "Yes," can be a life changing word. "Yes," if used appropriately, can change the world. If I were Satan, I'd make people think they don't have time or ability to change the world for the better.

What do you think? What would you seriously or sarcastically add to this list?